Allison

Allison shares a story of her close relationship with her mother, describing how her mom's steady support and wisdom have helped her manage anxiety and navigate life's challenges.

Allison and I began our time together by getting to know each other. Allison shared that she is a freshman at the University of Wyoming and had just left home, Colorado, for the cowboy state. I asked Allison if she was having fun during her first year away from home, and she immediately shot off her favorite college moments. While she was sharing, I couldn't help but notice Allison seemed to mention her mom in passing a lot.   

Emily: It seems like you idolize your mom a lot.

Allison: Oh, gosh. She’s my best friend. I love her so much. I call her three to four times a day.

Emily: That’s so good!

Allison: Yeah, she’s my person. 

Emily: What do you think contributed to your good relationship with your mom?

Allison: She’s always been good and the best at helping me with my anxiety. It runs thick in my blood. She is always the best in panicky situations and will calm me down the best. Cause when I was younger, I couldn’t even hang out with friends without getting so anxious to the point where I was sick. Physically sick and ill. It was hard to go out with my friends and do things, and she was always good at listening. She never made it out to be dramatic because I felt that way. But, also, I think my dad — she knew what it was like to be married to him. And the problems I was having with him, she understood better than anybody. So I think that really helped. 

Emily: Let’s go back to — you said your mom makes you feel calm. Is there a moment that you remember in your head that when you think of that you think of that moment? That you feel comfortable sharing? 

Allison: Yeah, of course. I told you I have never dated before; that’s half a lie. I’ve never finished a date before. Sort of. 

It was right in the middle of freshman year, and it was one date, so I’m not really sure if it actually counts as dating. This one kid asked me out, and I thought he was cute. He was in my class, and I was a freshman, so I was like, ‘Oh my god, I just got asked on a date. This is great!’ So he said, let’s go to the movies, and I was like, yeah, let’s do it!

We get there and everything — and I was anxious leading up to it. My mom was like, ‘You're going to have a blast; everything is going to be fine. You're just watching a movie.’ And so I went to the movies, and I ended up being so anxious. I didn’t even watch the movie I was so anxious. I was in the bathroom sick and called her, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ I’m sick in the bathroom, and he’s probably thinking, ‘What is wrong with this girl? She hasn’t been here for most of the movie.’

I remember she eventually calmed me down enough to finish the movie. So I finished it, and we left. His mom picked him up, and my mom picked me up because we couldn’t drive yet. I just remember breaking down in the car, thinking I’m never going to be able to date if that is how I am on dates. My mom was like, ‘You are going to be okay.’ She just helped me calm down and not freak out about it. 

I haven’t gone on a date since, but it’s not because of anxiety. 

Emily: What does she say to you in moments like that? 

Allison: A lot of the time, she asks me how this will affect me in the future. Whenever I am freaking out, or whatever it is, she’ll ask me, ‘How is this going to affect you in five years?’ or whatever number of years she chooses. And it always makes me focus. It gives my mind something to think about, but also it makes me realize that whatever I may be freaking out about is actually not important. It’s something I shouldn't be giving my energy to.  

Emily: It sounds like your mom has always communicated. 

Allison: Yes, very much. If we, me and my brother, were ever angry, she would always make us sit down and talk. She wouldn’t let us leave the couch or dining room until we were finished having a conversation. If anyone ever raised their voice, she would mediate and tell us to start over. We didn’t yell.  There were also things that we didn’t say, like ‘shut up.’ We don’t ever tell anyone to shut up. 

She would always force us to talk, and it was such a healthy thing. I am fairly confident with confrontation most of the time because I know I can tell them where I'm at and where I'm coming from. It’s one of those things I will be teaching my kids. 

Emily: It’s awesome that your mom is a person you can go to.

Allison: Oh, I know how lucky I am. No matter what it is, it's about trying my best. She is so supportive of me.

Through anxiety, first dates, and the challenges of growing up, Allison's mother has been more than just a parent – she's been a guide, confidante, and steady presence. Her approach to communication, conflict resolution, and emotional support has not only helped Allison navigate life's challenges but has also provided a blueprint for healthy relationships. As Allison continues her journey at the University of Wyoming, those daily phone calls home aren't just check-ins – they're a testament to the strong bond between a mother and daughter, built on understanding, patience, and unconditional support.